I think we sometimes get something fundamentally wrong about management. We treat the relationship between a manager and an employee as a professional arrangement rather than an actual human relationship.
We talk about setting expectations, giving feedback, managing performance and having regular 1:1s. All important stuff. But how much thought do we give to actually building a relationship with the person we're managing?
I think this is particularly interesting in the context of Finnish working culture. We Finns tend to value professionalism, independence and respecting people's personal space. We don't necessarily feel the need to get to know our colleagues on a deeper level, especially when there's a manager–employee relationship involved.
But I wonder if we've taken this a little too far. Maybe in our efforts to respect people's privacy and keep things professional, we've also created unnecessary distance.
And perhaps we're missing out on something pretty important.
I recently came across some fascinating ideas from Vanessa Van Edwards about human connection that made me think we should reconsider how we approach relationships at work.
Three levels of connection
Vanessa Van Edwards, an American author and speaker who specialises in science-based people skills, talks about three levels of connection, drawing on the work of psychologist Dan McAdams.
Level 1: General traits. This is the basic stuff we tend to learn about each other quite naturally. Where someone lives, what they do, their interests and background.
Level 2: Personal concerns. This is where we start to understand what actually matters to someone. Their motivations, ambitions, hopes, worries and the things that drive them.
Level 3: Self-narrative. This is about someone's personal story and the experiences that have shaped who they are.
According to Van Edwards, Level 2 is where much of the chemistry and bonding between people happens. She argues that productive working relationships can benefit from this kind of connection too, rather than reserving it for close personal relationships.
I find this thought fascinating, especially when I think about how we approach management in Finland.
Professional doesn't have to mean impersonal
With colleagues, relationships often develop naturally. We work together, have lunch, share stories and gradually get to know one another. Sometimes colleagues become friends.
But the relationship between a manager and an employee can be different. It comes with roles, responsibilities, expectations and a certain amount of authority. We might be so focused on keeping things professional that we forget to invest in the actual relationship between two people.
And I think that's a missed opportunity.
Getting to know someone doesn't mean becoming their best friend or asking them to share their deepest personal secrets. There are good reasons to respect boundaries, especially when one person has managerial responsibility for the other.
But there's plenty of room between knowing someone's job title and knowing their entire life story.
You can learn what motivates someone, what they're proud of, what frustrates them and what they'd love to achieve. You can remember things they've told you and follow up on them later. You can make time for conversations that aren't driven by an immediate problem or task.
None of this requires a complicated management model. It requires genuine interest, attention and a little effort.
Building relationships is part of the manager's job
In my work with founder-led companies, I often come across people who have become managers because their company has grown. They might be founders who've started hiring people or experienced specialists who've taken on responsibility for a team.
They want to be good managers, but many are learning the job as they go. And understandably, much of their attention goes into the practical skills of management: delegating, setting expectations, giving feedback and having difficult conversations.
These skills are essential. But I think we should pay just as much attention to building relationships with the people we lead.
Not as a management trick to improve performance. Not as another box to tick in a 1:1 template. Simply because we're dealing with people, and the quality of our relationships matters.
It matters when someone needs help, when there's a disagreement, when difficult feedback needs to be given or when things aren't going as planned. A relationship built on genuine interest and mutual understanding gives those conversations a much better starting point.
Of course, a good relationship doesn't replace clear expectations or accountability. Managers still need to make decisions, address performance issues and sometimes have uncomfortable conversations.
But those responsibilities don't make the human side of the relationship any less important.
Perhaps we could aim a little higher
I don't think Finnish managers need to become more American, more outgoing or more talkative. There are plenty of good things about our working culture, including our respect for independence and personal boundaries.
But I do think we could benefit from a different way of thinking about the relationships we have with the people we lead. Rather than seeing them primarily as professional arrangements, perhaps we should start treating them as the human relationships they actually are.
And I think that shift could change how we approach some very ordinary management practices.
A 1:1 isn't just a meeting to go through tasks and priorities. A performance review isn't just an opportunity to evaluate results and agree on goals. And giving feedback isn't simply about telling someone what they did well or what they need to improve.
They're all conversations between two people. And every conversation is also an opportunity to get to know each other a little better, build trust and strengthen the relationship.
This doesn't make the practical side of management any less important. We still need clear expectations, honest feedback and accountability. But the quality of the relationship can make an enormous difference to how those things actually work.
Perhaps it's time we started paying as much attention to the relationships we're building as we do to the management processes we're running.
This is the first article in a three-part series exploring the human side of management. You can also read about [how managers can become better conversationalists] and [bringing more dream building into performance conversations].
Interested in exploring these ideas further? A great place to start is this podcast conversation with Vanessa Van Edwards.